End of the Year (2019) Quiz!
(December 31, 2019)
Hello all! Today is the day where we find out just how assiduously you have been reading my little essays, and I get a couple weeks off without doing any new research! Here we go:
1) Horror movies have many lessons to teach us. Which one of the following is NOT one of those lessons?
a) If you and your other college friends are on your way to spend the weekend at your uncle’s isolated wilderness cabin, and the country-looking guy at Last Chance Gas tells you that there are “ha’nts in them woods” – you really should turn around. (You won’t, though.)
b) Avoid opening any book you find that is bound with human skin.
c) Weird artifacts sold by foreign-sounding men in tiny little antique stores are best avoided.
d) One of the safest things you can do as a teenager is have sex while babysitting.
2) Why is that exciting new supplement you just heard about probably not worth the money?
a) Because its celebrity spokesperson hasn’t actually been in a movie in 15 years.
b) Because you can’t buy it on Goop.
c) Because the bottle it comes in is not recyclable anymore, thank you very much city of Nashville.
d) Because if it’s that new, there’s probably no real evidence yet that it works, and the number of Exciting New Supplements that have ended up being worth their debut price in the last century is, to date, exactly Zero.
3) What does “any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” mean?
b) That if there is a problem with your phone, you’re going to have to ask one of your grandchildren to fix it.
c) That when your new car suddenly stops working, it’s going to cost you ten times what it would have 20 years ago.
d) That it’s very easy to be overly impressed by something when you don’t understand how it works.
4) A drug vacation:
a) Must be booked through the heavily-tatted guy who hangs out by the middle school.
b) Involves an herb you aren’t sure how to pronounce and a guide who only speaks English when he wants to.
c) Always starts out innocently enough.
d) Is a medically-supervised break from any and all medications to test whether or not they are necessary, and to increase their effectiveness if they are.
5) Is taking a nutritional supplement a good idea?
d) Almost anyone can benefit from a multivitamin. Aside from multis, unless you are deficient in said nutrient AND there’s evidence that taking that nutrient will improve your specific condition, you are most likely just wasting your money.
6) Is aspirin really that great?
d) It is so great that if Bayer still had it under patent, you’d have to sell them your first-born TWINS to get any of it.
7) Which supplement has a lot of actual evidence supporting its use and thus is almost certainly worth the money that you’ll pay for it?
c) CBD oil
d) Vitamin D
8) What is it that is so good for you that if you do it, your chances of dying before your time are reduced by 80%?
a) Add a second nose ring.
b) Put your teenage children into foster care.
c) Obey your daily newspaper horoscope religiously.
d) Following the current federal guidelines on health (diet, exercise, alcohol and tobacco).
9) Which of these four is NOT a natural way to correct a cause of constipation?
a) Increase fluids.
b) Increase exercise.
c) Increase fiber.
d) Super-Plus Bowel Dynamite.
a) Needs to cost at least $5 a bottle to be REALLY healthy.
b) Is something that only doofus hipsters still drink.
c) Is no longer manufactured domestically.
d) Is fine just the way it is. Filter it first, though.
11) What’s wrong with going to the hospital?
a) Nurses are not as good-looking as they used to be.
b) Sometimes they steal your stuff.
c) If it turns out that you don’t have insurance after all, they drop a sack over your head and put you out the rear exit.
d) They might care for you so poorly that you end up having to go back because of a problem you didn’t have originally.
12) Which of these awful things is NOT something that commonly happens after difficult medical procedures?
a) Post-operative delirium.
b) Post-hospital syndrome.
d) Demonic possession.
13) What is the right thing to do if you’re healthy and feel good, but you get a weird and questionable medical test result?
b) Ignore it.
c) Find a weird and questionable practice to deal with it.
d) Re-run the test, research the finding itself as thoroughly as you can to see what else it might be due to, and/or take it all to another doctor.
The correct answer to each question is, of course, d). Easy, right?
And so, as Jigsaw famously said, "Congratulations! You are still alive!" You have survived another year, and may you survive many more. See you in the new one!
--dr. diane holmes
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